


1945 Cheval Blanc

by Pokegeek151



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: (Zoe told me to say that. I haven't read Deny All Charges yet), Alcohol, Angst, Artemis is a Sad Lad, Birthday, Cheval Blanc is a red wine which is dumb, Gen, Not Fowl Twins compliant, Not a ship, who gets drunk on his birthday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:34:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28880301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pokegeek151/pseuds/Pokegeek151
Summary: "What's the occasion?" Holly asked.He leaned forward, perilously close to falling out of his chair, and tapped his glass to hers. "L'chaim," he said over the gentle clink. "To life. Tomylife, in fact." He leaned back, nearly fell back, into his chair. "It is my birthday."Fowlblue'sbirthday ficlives rent free in my head.
Relationships: Artemis Fowl II & Holly Short
Comments: 10
Kudos: 50





	1945 Cheval Blanc

Artemis did not have a good track record when it came to birthdays. His parents had always cared more about them than he did, and the combination of time skipping, cloning, and the monotony of encroaching adulthood made keeping track of his birthdays a tedious process. He had a tradition to uphold, though, which was how he ended up sprawled in an armchair in his flat, just over halfway through a bottle of expensive red wine as the clock inched towards four in the morning on September 1st. 

He heard the glass door to the balcony quietly slide open and shut, though he did not look up. The faint shimmer in the air told him exactly who had come to bother him on a day he'd prefer to be left alone. 

"Did Butler put you up to this?" he asked the empty air. 

A few moments later, Holly materialized in front of him. "I got a surface visa, finally, and I thought I'd say hi. What did Butler supposedly put me up to?" She looked him up and down briefly. "Are you...drunk?"

Artemis lazily swirled what was left at the bottom of his wine glass. "Drunk is a strong word. Impaired, certainly." He took a long sip and drained his glass. "Would you like a drink? I do not have the constitution for a full bottle, and whatever is left will go down the sink tomorrow."

Holly did not do a good job hiding her confusion, or concern, or...whatever she was feeling. "Human alcohol doesn't--"

"Yes, yes. Fairies are unaffected by -OH alcohol. But your tastebuds can still appreciate a fine vintage." He tilted the glass towards him and examined the faint, pinkish residue left behind. "Or perhaps a decent vintage. Sommelier...ing was never a talent I cared to cultivate. The clerk said it was quality, but I have read enough studies to know it doesn't matter."

She hesitated, then asked, "Where are the glasses?"

The chair Artemis was draped over faced away from the kitchen area, so he gestured vaguely over his shoulder with his free hand. "Top shelf in the cabinet with the other glasses." 

He listened as Holly dragged a chair to the cabinet in order to reach the uppermost shelf. When he heard her coming back, he slowly dragged himself into something approaching a proper sitting position. 

She sat in an armchair across from him and picked up the open bottle. "What's the occasion?" she asked as she poured a bit of wine into her glass. She pointed the neck in his direction, and he wordlessly held his glass out to her to be filled. 

He leaned forward, perilously close to falling out of his chair, and tapped his glass to hers. "L'chaim," he said over the gentle clink. "To life. To  _ my _ life, in fact." He leaned back, nearly fell back, into his chair. "It is my birthday." 

"Is that today? I lose track of the human calendar sometimes." Holly asked. Artemis didn't have the energy or capacity to evaluate her microexpressions. 

Artemis took a long sip of his wine. He didn't take time to savor the taste; he liked wine well enough, but he was past the point of caring about this particular bottle. "It is indeed, and you have intruded on my annual ritual."

She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Getting drunk alone in your flat?"

"I am not drunk," he repeated. "I am impaired."

"Fine, fine. Getting  _ impaired _ alone in your flat? That doesn't seem like a fun birthday tradition."

"It's not." He finished his glass, then glanced over at the bottle on the low table between them. He'd already had quite a bit (calculating how much was beyond what his fuzzy mind could do quickly, and if he couldn't do it quickly, he didn't care enough to), but he had cleared his schedule for tomorrow in anticipation of quite the hangover. Holly reached forward at the same time he did, and because she was closer, she was able to slide it a few inches out of his grasp. He rolled his eyes, but he conceded and fell back into his chair. 

"Birthdays are supposed to be fun, right?" Holly asked. "I'm surprised you didn't spend a ransom's worth on a party with a champagne hot tub or whatever it is you rich people are into."

Artemis nearly gagged at the mention of a party. "Absolutely not. I have had enough birthday parties to last the rest of my life." The beginnings of a headache were beginning to set in, making him grateful that Holly had taken the bottle. He really had reached his limit, at least as far as tomorrow would be concerned. 

Holly took a small drink from her glass. "Oh yeah?" she prodded. 

"My mother always liked to throw these...massive parties for my birthday," he explained. The alcohol had loosened his tongue, but he didn't very much care at the moment. "They were more about her than about me. Everyone would get drunk, even my parents, and leave a huge mess for Butler to clean up."

"So now you get drunk instead?"

"Not drunk. Impaired." It took some effort, but he managed to reach over the wide arm of the chair and place his empty wine glass on the floor. After a few precarious wobbles, it steadied without tipping over. "Have you ever been impaired, Holly? It is quite lovely."

She chuckled, just a bit. "Yes, Artemis. I've been impaired."

"I am operating at full capacity at all times, and it is exhausting. I know everything, all the time. Well, perhaps not  _ everything _ . But most things. Sometimes, on special occasions, it is nice to not be in full control." He felt in his memory the weight of his mother's arm around his shoulders as he, stone sober, practically carried her to her room on the night of his 19th birthday. Idly, he wished he had another glass of wine. 

"I'll drink to that," Holly said, bringing Artemis back to the present. She motioned like she was performing a toast, then drank the entirety of her glass. "This stuff is so bitter," she complained. "Why do humans like wine?"

"I haven't a clue," he said. The sound of water splashing into a sink full of abandoned dishes played in his head, and he realized they had reached the wallowing part of the festivities. "Thank you for helping me to finish my wine. You're welcome to leave. I plan to go to bed before I start crying and feeling sorry for myself."

Holly set her glass on the table with a quiet clink. "I'm not leaving you like this, Artemis."

"Like what?"

"Drunk.  _ Impaired, _ " she corrected, exaggerating a posh accent. 

"I am capable of taking care of myself," he protested. 

"That doesn't mean you have to."

Artemis didn't have a response for her then, and he did not think of one as she extracted him from the armchair and helped him stumble into bed. As the sounds of her rinsing and drying the two wine glasses filtered in through the partially opened door, he wondered if she would still be there in the morning. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the proofread, Zoe!
> 
> Come find me [on Tumblr](https://pokegeek151.tumblr.com/) if you're into that sort of thing


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